Paying the Piper

The woodland path — many of the best things in life are still free to enjoy.
Like many people of our generation who were taught to live within their means, we have never overreached ourselves when buying anything. Such leads to contentment and lack of stress. In our day, not for nothing did Building Societies only loan what a single person could afford to pay back. The rapid rise in house prices followed by repossessions has been the ultimate price of careless lending.
The present situation was bound to happen. It is sad for those who will lose their jobs and homes, and how infuriating that the bankers and financiers who brought the situation about get even more millions in unearned bonuses. Would we pay a bonus to a shoddy builder if a new roof fell in?
And yet, all is NOT doom and gloom unless WE allow it to be so. It is our own attitude to present circumstances that determine whether we look for, and grasp, unforeseen opportunities to work things out for the better. This we owe to ourselves and to all who will have to pay for the country’s growing debt.
It was redundancy years ago that brought us to our present location. Very many job applications all over the country came to nought until one was offered in what most people seemed to think was beyond civilisation! (But to me, a paradise!) Things were tough for various reasons I will not go into, But, we all thrived and the family did far better than we could possibly have envisaged. Yes, money was in short supply but not for the first time. I knew how to create tasty dishes on a low budget and I could sew. We never did go in for foreign holidays so nothing missing there. We were blessed with a utility type caravan and that ensured us reaching beautiful places in Scotland each year with visits to Wales and the West Country occasionally. When things improved, we continued to live within our means — only too aware that times could not always be financially good. The country has had several lean times since then but people never seem to learn — buy now, pay later with interest!
The piper always has to be paid.

Sun and Rain

January is not a good month for cheer. Cold, dark and wet — sometimes snow and ice. But this year has not been too bad for us in South Cumbria (UK). I took these photos earlier this week: my 'jewels' (bright little plants - I have no jewellery!) in our front porch, and a scene from an upstairs window.
As for cheer? Well my Still Waters Run Deep is selling quite well at the local shop. Amazon UK have a page for it on line but the USA Amazon declare it to be Unavailable and out of print! Now where have they got that from? I have informed them otherwise but I expect they can't be bothered with small publishers abroad. A book selling at £5.99 is small beer to them anyway. It bothers me not. I am content to take it as it comes - no more hassle and frantic efforts to sell books or get known as an author. What will be, will be. Let's face it, not all hopes and desires can be fulfilled. Better to be realistic. I am greatly blessed to have a few 'fans' who look forward to reading each new book. Few or thousands? What does it matter? Writing is a gift to share. To be able to share it is great whatever the numbers.
So sometimes a ray of sun, sometimes a cold shower, some days a hard frost - but warmth comes to bring out the beauty that is often obscured from view by the coldness of our own heart, that is, if we allow it to happen. Life is for living NOT for regrets of what might be, or might have been.

Me, Mythica and a Study In Red!

For me, Jack the Ripper has no great appeal as the subject of a novel but I was intrigued enough to buy Brian L Porter's book, A Study in Red. It is well written with graphic scenes and excellent characterisation. The book has sold well and gained awards (as have other of Porter's books) For him to do so well with his writing can't be mere effort at marketing on his part. Clearly, he has the ability to write books that stir the imagination. Now he announced that he has a contract for his book — Study In Red — to be made into a movie. Well done, Brian!

http://www.prlog.org/10158718-study-in-red-the-movie.html

The good news for me is that Graeme Houston (Mythica) wants me as one of his authors for his e-publishing business. (Brian Porter already has an input there.)

Mythica is new and not completely set up yet, but Graeme Houston is not new to publishing and he is also an author himself with several books to his name (including one written with Brian Porter). Houston is also a jolly good bookcover artist and has designed award-winning covers for Porter. My book, "When Angels Lie" is already mentioned on the Mythica web site. You can see the new cover for my book there:

http://www.mythicapublishing.com

For the Mythica press release see:

http://www.prlog.org/10159065-mythica-publishing-new-name-on-the-block.html

It says there:

Mythica Publishing is currently open to submissions in all genres and interested authors should visit the company's website at http://www.mythicapublishing.com/

Christmas 1939-45

The Christmas of my childhood was so very different to what UK children experience today.
I had just turned seven when the war began in 1939. That year I spent Christmas in an isolation hospital and remained there for six weeks. It was a miserable time. It was a women's ward and I had neither toys nor other children to play with. Visitors were not allowed inside and I had to talk to my mother through the glass of the windows. Bless her, she made the journey twice a week on two buses, to have to stand half an hour before leaving for home. The weather tuned nasty and snow fell but she still turned up and left me with sixpence to buy pop to drink. But all that can be read about in my book "When Phones Were Immobile and Lived in Red Boxes," excerpts of which are on my Wrinkly Writer blog.
But what about 'normal' Christmases during the rest of my childhood?

Being wartime, we had come to expect very little and 'little' was expected and so we were never totally disappointed. One year, we had a doll each and a cot to share. That was quite something. But I dropped my doll the same day I received it and smashed the head to pieces. My dad glued the many pieces together and painted it. Oh boy did it look awful but I could not say so. he had done his best. One year I had a little sewing machine. Having no shuttle with a bottom thread it did not sew properly, so it was pretty useless. My dad got sick with a creeping paralysis and eventually was not able to get to work. Mum had a cleaning job but money was tight so we expected less at Christmas. Less what what we received.

Of course, everything was rationed, including coal. But on Christmas day we had a fire in the front room, which made a change from living in the kitchen — the only place where a fire, needed for hot water, was lit. We made paper chains to hang round the walls and up to the central light. And painted fir cones, and made beeswax flowers and berries to hang on a small tree or a painted twig. It was also sprinkled with glitter - tiny pieces of cellophane - to look like snow, and we bought a packet of icicles (twisted pieces of some sort of metal scraps) to hang from the branches. That was in the good years. Although there was no choice and food was far from rich, we never went hungry. We appreciated anything given to us and life was simple and utilitarian. No electrical appliances - we had no power points anyway. The only telephone we could use was the one in a red box on the corner of the street. But the doctor was the only likely person to be contacted as hardly anyone had a telephone (or a car) in those days. Wartime meant no street lamps and so winters were dark and gloomy. But our hearts were warm and full of love.

Today I look at our Christmas tree and am thankful — for joy, love, and the gift of life. Surely that is what Christmas is all about?

A ray of sunshine.

When days become short and dull and nights long, dark and cold, an unexpected ray of sunshine lifts the spirit and turns dark thoughts into ones of cheer and hope. This is especially so as you get to a certain age when it becomes a point of political correctness not to have it mentioned.
November used to be associated with fog. In fact the weather was foggy on the day that I was born, and the midwife lost her way and was too late to assist with my birth. The kind of fog we used to get, probably caused by coal fires before we relied on gas and electricity for heating the home — at least one room of it — was indeed thick and easily able to get lost in, as I did on a number of occasions.
Christmas lights now come early and brighten up dark evenings. Wet makes the jollity of them even brighter through reflecting the coloured lighting on pavements and all damp surfaces. But the in between time — November — can be depressing.
Last week we attended the funeral of a family member — a vivacious woman of 53 years. It was not a gloomy occasion by any means, but it saddened the heart just the same. The following morning the sun came out for a while and we walked amongst trees rich with autumnal colour. Yes, a ray of sunlight is like words of hope and love, lifting the soul out of gloom to rejoice in the riches that are freely given. The sun may not always be shining but, through love and kind words, we can bring a little light to those dwelling in darkness of sorrow or despair..

Love stronger than dementia

Caring for a loved one


I had always admired those who gave up so much to care for a loved one at home, especially with little or no support. And those who visited their loved one every single day once full-time nursing care was needed. I got to know their problems more intimately when my mother, who had come to spend the rest of her life with us — hopefully in happiness and contentment — gradually succumbed to a type of dementia that caused depression and paranoia.
She was in her late eighties and I was not surprised that she would forget things occasionally, but we soon realised it was more than that. She became quite aggressive if we did not accept her false or confused statements. I realised something was seriously wrong when, after a friend had left the house, she told me that her visitor was a spy and had been taking notes.
I helped her to dress in the morning: apart from being severely arthritic and needing a helping hand, left to herself she would empty the wardrobe, complain she had nothing to wear and give me too much hassle.
‘No blouses, Mother? Look — one two, three…’ and I would count all the way to fifteen. But not one would be acceptable. To get things moving, I would sometimes make a trip upstairs to my closet, choose one of my best blouses and run downstairs again. I would find her pulling out the rest of her clothes from her wardrobe.
‘No good,’ she would say to my offering. ‘It doesn’t match my skirt.’
Well, it was good to know she still had good taste, but it would be some time before she was finally dressed for a little trip in my car.
’Where’s my walking stick?’
She refused to acknowledge either of her two walking sticks and so I bought her another one and wrote her name on it.
Of course she would not use it. Apparently, the chap next door had stolen Mother’s walking stick. Next-door being the ’Woolpack Inn’ in Emmerdale! (As in the television programme, which she watched avidly.)
I then began to notice how she appeared to live inside the television, instead of merely watching it. She was with the actors, not with us. When a consultant came to assess her, the television took on a new role: it was watching and recording her movements – spying!
Her paranoia deepened. Her carer was in tears when I arrived home. My mother had poured her cups of tea down the plughole saying she was being poisoned.
Then her depression deepened and we had to watch her very carefully. I found her with her tights tied tightly around her throat. Then I found her looking for knives to cut her wrists.
I tried to reach inside her mind to let her know that we loved her but she was unable to receive either my words or my prayers.
‘Hypocrite! Hypocrite!’ she would scream.
At other times she would yell that she was going to burn in hell and me with her.
No longer able to recognise me, she tried to drag me out of my study saying I did not belong there. ‘Gladys will be angry!’
Unable to control me, she went to the front door and yelled for the police.
I had to make sure all doors were locked and the way upstairs gated — a fall was not what I wanted. There was little sleep at night: I caught her tugging at electricity wires because she was convinced the boiler was about to explode. I heard a crash one night and ran downstairs to find her half-naked in the hall, and broken glass scattered over the kitchen floor.
The doctor gave me sleeping tablets for her but it was impossible to get her to take them. Finally, she did have a fall requiring pinning of a fractured femur close to her hip. She did not appear to be in physical pain, her mind was worrying that ‘all’ would be revealed that night on television.
‘You’ll never forgive me,’ she said, ‘I told them you did that abortion, and that our Janet had been caught shoplifting, and Bill had stolen the Kohinoor and ruined America.’
I was in despair. How did such dreadful things enter and torment her mind? She even told the hospital doctor that she was going to be on television, and he believed her!
The torment went on unabated when she entered a nursing home. The few coins in her purse she said were counterfeit, and she was going to be punished. She would not let me take them off her hands; she had it in her head that she had to go to prison. Incarceration, punishment and hell were constant themes.
My heart was bleeding for the mother I loved but whom I could not help in her dreadful ordeal. I knew hell and damnation were part of her upbringing in the mining town of Alfreton. School lessons were reinforced at home: it was part of the culture when she was a young child at the beginning of the twentieth century.
I remembered my mother raising her hand at an evangelical service I had taken her to many years before. The preacher had felt called to pray for anyone seeking forgiveness and salvation in the name of Christ. While eyes were closed, hands could be raised. Afterwards folk protested because such things had long been dispensed with at their chapel. But I had felt her arm move upwards: surely the Holy Spirit was indeed working in that place, and yet…
Release came for her soon after Christmas in the year 1991. I knew she had been feeling poorly and I stayed with her after she had been put to bed. I always visited her every day and on each occasion would hold her hand. Maybe she did not know who I was but that did not matter: I had always hoped and prayed for a connection of spirit with spirit. I believe in the power of God-given love to heal the broken-hearted.
It was getting late and I was very tired. It had been a harrowing time for me in my church ministry and, along with my other duties, I still had a funeral to prepare for — my fifth in four weeks. My mother appeared to be asleep. I kissed her forehead and quietly whispered, ‘I have to get some sleep now. I’ll be back tomorrow. Goodnight, Mother.’
Her eyes remained closed but her lips opened.
‘Goodnight, Luvvy.’
Luvvy, was the name she called me before her illness. My eyes were wet with tears of joy!

Luvvy was the last word she was to speak. She died the following morning.

Sad but true

We were sitting in the café drinking coffee.
"Look, there's your old friend John," said my companion, looking out of the window.
I followed his eyes. Yes, there indeed was John. He was about to cross the road with his partially-sighted wife in tow. Tears rose to my eyes. The person that I knew so well as a man of letters, writer of esoteric articles on Eastern religions, known for his brilliant mind and ability to explain complex issues, in every respect had the dishevelled appearance of a 'down and out.'
I knew the impossibility of going out to say hello. Being suspicious of anyone speaking to him, he would resent it as an intrusion into his privacy. The last time I saw and spoke to him proved this to be so. He told me of visitors prying into his personal life, offering help that was not wanted, and appeared to be afraid that do-gooders would take over his affairs and threaten his independence.
That he and his wife were coping, could be in no doubt. After all, there they were, doing their shopping, while many couples in their mid-eighties were either housebound or in residential care. I knew people were concerned about them but did they need to be? In the past I have visited many elderly people unhappy because they have been put into care. This couple still have each other, and that is worth more than an army of do-gooders coming round and taking away that which they are still able to give each other, however poor that mutual assistance may appear to be.
So why should I be sad? Should I not be rejoicing in their independence? I guess it was the shock of seeing a proud man looking such a scruff. But also because I knew from talking to him during the past year or so that his memory is not what it was. Forgetfulness can put people into danger.
I would like to visit them for old times sake. But now that he is paranoid about visitors calling, will I too be resented?